1) Never settle.
The only things I’ve ever regretted in life were settling for things that were “almost” what I asked for or wanted, and usually they came from people that couldn’t meet my expectations. It’s great to have lists of expectations, goals or aspirations, keep them, and only allow the Lord to tailor your list, not other people. My Sunday school teacher told me that, and a few weeks later I met my fiancé.
2) Always accept accountability.
Tough love moment: You can make any decision you want in life (good or bad) as long as your willing to accept the outcome of your decisions and blame no one else, but yourself. I have held many L’s in my day and I’m okay with that because I was never a victim.
3) Have no regrets.
Regrets are pointless because they change nothing and whatever you did in that moment you wanted to at that time. Take regret as sign of growth, if you wouldn’t do it again, you’ve learned what you needed to learn from. Life is a sequence of opportunities to make different decisions.
4) You are not a victim.
While sometimes the outcomes of certain decisions may be harsh or seemingly unjust, but I couldn’t overlook all of the other choices I could have made to not end up in the unfortunate disposition. I have maintained control over my own destiny by not giving any one person that much control over my outcomes.
5) God’s timing is the only timing.
This was probably one of the toughest pills to swallow, because I’ve always had my own timeline and plan. And expected for that plan to roll out at the scheduled time (in the name of Jesus). These days I make plans but submit them to God first and allow plenty of space for his redirection because he is the only one that knows the future. We can only plan for the future, but God actually knows the future!
6) It’s okay to just feel.
I am notorious for rushing through or repressing my painful feelings, fearing my happy feelings and resting in my stoicism. Emotions are just hard, for me at least. I have learned to lean deeper into discomfort and bask in my joy, and brace myself less for future pain.
7) You don’t have to feed into negativity.
You can’t control people, but you can control your space. If their energy doesn’t align, limit your interactions. Dissolving toxic relationships can be messy but definitely necessary. Your block button is your friend.
8) True love shouldn’t be forced or limiting.
Sometimes witnessing unhealthy relationships can make you believe that a drama-filled relationship is normal or true love. That can’t be further from the truth. Love should never make you feel restricted, less than, or depleted. It also shouldn’t make you believe that you have to chase after it. Love is either present or it isn’t.
9) Mind your energy (and your business)
Sometimes people have a way of making their issues, YOUR issues. But some people don’t really want help, they want someone to complain to. And if you allow them, they will for days or weeks on end. I had to learn to recognize this behavior early and cut these interactions short (no longer than a day). Because overtime my personal energy would begin to shift and I start to feel the heaviness.
10) Know when it’s time to let the season change
I remember, from the ages of 3 to 5, my mom would buy me these little ballet flats, with a bow on top, in all different colors, red, blue, white, pink, black, navy. I would try to wear them everywhere, even to bed! I also remember growing out of my size and having to find a new favorite shoe. But imagine if I tried to hold on to them and wear them at 30?? That is what happens when we try stay in a season of life we have already outgrown. We have a tendency to hold on to a situation, person or thing long after the season has passed, which then becomes toxic, because it no longer serves you and eventually stifles your growth.
11) Relationship outcomes can say more about you than the other person.
I don’t necessarily believe that if you can’t keep certain people in your life then it means you are the real problem because I believe it’s more complexed than that. However, I do believe that how you manage relationships says more about you than the other person. For example: Identifying that you’ve outgrown your current friendships is fine, but being condescending or disrespectful towards them while severing that relationship actually says more about you and your maturity than it does the people you are cutting off.
12) God is a God of restoration.
In life we can lose many people and things that we treasure, jobs, relationships & possessions. And we often feel that it is unfair or a cruel joke. I used to think: God, why give me this just for it to be taken away? God had to show me that “He who begins a work in you will also finish it” Phil 1:6. I had to believe that there is nothing God allows to be removed from my life that he doesn’t plan to restore with greater and he has many times over.
13) All things are working for my good.
Eventually everything connects. I feel as we go through certain things in life they can seem sporadic or arbitrary and drive us to ask “why God”?? If you loved me why would you let this happen? I have learned that time reveal all things. My disposition and beliefs leading up to that revelation matters most to him. I had to become comfortable with being uncomfortable, and believe that all things are working for my good, and that God is never failing.
14) Never rush your process.
Each phase holds its own significant value. There is a new me, that I have yet to meet at every new journey I have embarked upon. I had to get very acquainted with that version of myself, learn all I could and allow her to escort me into the next phase of my journey.
15) It’s one thing to make a plan, but it’s another to take a step.
Over-planning can lead to analysis paralysis. It’s great to want to have all of your intentions mapped out, but the true growth comes when you make the first move toward your plans, and it’s okay to stumble around a bit, plans have a way of working themselves out.
16) Honor your boundaries.
There have been many times where I have identified what I know I needed to function optimally, but ignored it because something else looked more appealing or someone else encouraged a different idea. Whether it was self-care, singleness, goal focuses etc. I have learned to listen to myself more and trust that I know what I need most for myself.
17) I am not for everyone.
You will only truly be self-confident when you can accept your flaws who you are! If the people around me don’t see what I see in myself they aren’t the right people in my space. They aren’t my tribe, and that is okay. There are things about me that just aren’t going to change. I can tailor them to suit a particular situation but they aren’t going anywhere. I had to be okay with that.
18) Heal from your past to reshape your future.
I have always had very good coping skills, very few things knock me off my game. However, I have had very poor healing skills because I don’t let a lot out. I hold it in and push it down, repress it and forget it. I had to learn that the long term impact takes a toll on every aspect of your life especially your goals.
19) Dont be so hard yourself.
You will grow and evolve a hundred times in this life. If you’re not making mistakes you are not growing. You are not the sum of your mistakes.
20) Everything you need is already within you.
You are a spirit being. You are whole. Your journey is not in vein.
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