Having a lack of boundaries only indicates a lack of belief or clarity about what was designed for you.
At some point in our lives, we all have had to set boundaries. Whether it was with what we ate, who we date, where we would work, or what lengths we were willing to go achieve an outcome. I have found that it is much, much easier to set boundaries than it is maintain them.
What are boundaries? Parameters we put in place to protect us. Protect our hearts, peace, and desired outcome.
What can infiltrate your boundaries? Your feelings, other’s lack of respect for your boundaries, the lack of clear definition, your lack of enforcement.
My earliest experiences of setting boundaries were with dating. I would make these “He will be” lists to God, specifying what I expect my future mate to be like. One Sunday, I was talking to my Bible Study Fellowship teacher about my list, because I was beginning to wonder if my standards were too high. She said something that stuck with me from that time on, which was, “Keep your list and let God remove the unnecessary things from your list”. Immediately, I surrendered my list to God, saying “Lord, these are the things that I want, but only you know what I need.” I met my husband a short while after.
Relationship trauma is real and I have found that establishing and maintaining clear boundaries within relationships to be a key component in avoiding it.
As vividly as I remember the boundaries I did put in place for my life, I can also reflect on the boundaries I hadn’t put in place, and the outcomes they yielded. I remember taking jobs I really didn’t like or want, but out of the limiting belief of lack, I did them anyway.
“If lack was really the issue we would never have to set boundaries.”
Have you ever found yourself saying “There are just no good_________” whatever you may have filled in the blank with. We have all fallen pray to the limiting belief, that what you desire doesn’t exist or has “run out”, therefore, you feel pressured to just take what you can get.
To set a boundary is to believe in the abounding blessings God has given us all. It’s only when we don’t believe in abundance is when we don’t set boundaries. Boundary setting is an internal declaration to ourselves that says, “I know there is a lot of good in the world, therefore I have to be specific about the type of good I am willing to accept and want to attract”.
Boundaries help you to stay on track for what is purposed for you. Like guard rails on a race track, boundaries help you to stay the course until completion, and not veer off the lanes. We must also do this with our lives. Establish parameters around our desired outcome and stick to them.
Purpose begins when we let God shape our boundaries (let God put it on your list or take it off) only he can make the perfect list. As imperfect beings there will always be things we forget to list and things we ought to remove.
Having a lack of boundaries only indicates a lack of belief or clarity about what was designed for you. If lack was really the issue we would never have to set boundaries. If there was really a shortage of good men, we’d never have to specify in our lists what kind of good men we wanted. If you have ever made a list of expectations for an outcome (what you want in a mate, a job, etc.) then you know there is abundance.
We go through a listing exercise then wait, and depending on how long it takes we get discouraged and our belief begins to waver. Just know that lack is a lie and God moves fast.
Saying there is no good _________ left is feeding into that lie. It just means you’re not yet in the right position to receive it. If God is telling you to be patient, it may not be your time. If God is moving you to shift, maybe it’s growth or a new mindset that needs to take place. Maybe it’s simply a need to surrender. But whatever it is, know that God knows what he is doing, and you don’t need to undermine your boundaries to get there.
“Let every “no” to your boundaries represent a “yes” to being one step closer to alignment with what’s best for your life.”
It’s completely okay to have faith that something exists for you, without knowing how you will ever obtain it. Believing in God’s abundance is the first step, let him do the rest.
The first step in honoring your boundaries is being okay with someone saying no to them. It’s a good thing, that means they are working. Boundaries are a protective layer that only allows the good in and rejects the bad. Let every “no” to your boundaries represent a “yes” to being one step closer to alignment with what’s best for your life.
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